I’ve found myself with a conflict right now that is frustrating me, if anyone has any thoughts, feel free to share them.


Two weeks away I worked with this lovely woman who was teaching a group of young people how to coach primary school children. The two days we did with her were amazing, she was so motivational and really managed to capture the attention of what was, quite frankly, a difficult group to control.


Now, I’m doing the same thing with a new group except someone else is working with the sports group. The young people weren’t teaching primary school children, they had to teach asylum seekers instead – of which only two turned up. That itself is surely an issue, then there’s the problem of the asylum seekers not speaking very good English, etc.


The feedback given tonight was that the woman teaching the young people how to coach didn’t do a very good job at it. Something VERY different to what I thought about her work.


Of course I respect that everyone has different opinions and such, but to sit in a meeting and have three our of nine or ten people mock the work of someone I found to be fantastic was really difficult.


I tried to explain that in the week I worked with her it was different, that they worked with primary school children but I got a sort of “are you insane? this woman is rubbish” sort of look from one of the people.


I spoke to another staff member who suggested I talk to the team leader (who was one of those who mocked her) about it, but I don’t know. I feel uncomfortable due to the fact that she’s so strong in her perception that the coaching woman is rubbish. But at the end of the day she kind of discredited my experience working with her based on one day working alongside her. Not that three is many more, but I got to know her in that time and I really made an effort to talk to her.


The team leader is also asking the two members of staff who were also mocking her to give her some written feedback which she can pass on to the guy in charge of the whole project.


That’s fair enough, feedback is understandable.


But now it’s making me want to send feedback too, of the positive variety, due to my fantastic experience working with her.


Would it be wrong of me to do this? Should I speak to the team leader? Should I maybe speak to someone else about it who isn’t involved? I will probably be meeting one other staff member tomorrow who is further up the ladder but not quiet as far up as the guy I would be emailing feedback to. I don’t know. I feel like if I speak to her, then maybe she’ll think “well why didn’t you speak to your team leader about this?”. I’m so confused and don’t quite know how best to approach this.


5 Good Things About Saturday

1. This Saturday is my only proper day off since last Sunday and will be my only day off until Friday!

2. I have new clothes that I want to wear (though I may save them until I start work tomorrow).

3. I have a chocolate mousse cake thing in the fridge, plus some cheesecake and also some ice cream, yum!

4. I’m awake early which means I can hopefully fit loads in today!

5. IT’S SATURDAY!!! (what better reason is there to be happy?)

Fictional Pain

I love reading and writing.

I love words.

I love angst in stories and the issues that come with all that.

I love when people complain about my stories being too angst-ridden because it makes me feel powerful.

I love the power of the author to do what they want with their characters.

I fully support doing things the readers may not be happy with.

I do not support this.

This is where we stand, eight years after the first book in this series was released (or at least eight years after I was given a copy of it) the author released an additional book. I didn’t expect it though I had wondered if we would ever get another.

The books had been very significant to me, emotionally, they had been a massive part of my world for so long.

Despite supporting all of the rights of the author. I really still cannot support an author killing one of their main (and most loved) characters in a book that, in my opinion, is written to give something back to the fans who want to know what happens next.

How could an author be so heartless?

How can an author be so selfish to make the character so selfish?

I hope the second half of this book brings about some major changes that repair some of the damage that has been done because if it doesn’t, well, it’s like having a significant part of your growing up become insignificant and pointless.

There is an author out there who I am so close to never forgiving.

5 Goodnesses

1. I finished week one of a project with young people.

2. I have been offered a lift next week (probably not every day but it’ll save time/money in terms of travel).

3. The person who offered my lift is someone I have a huge crush on.

4. I could sleep for a week (though I’ll probably wake up at 7am just to be nice) and as I love sleep, that’s something I’m really looking forward to.

5. I’ve found some great potential job/volunteering opportunities that I really hope I can get somewhere with.


I’ve never been able to handle loss.


People leave me and most of the time I don’t even know why. Knowing doesn’t make it any better.

I’ve avoided my most recent personal loss. Avoided feeling. Avoided thinking. Avoided everything because the thought is just too hard.

I started reading a new book. A book with characters I’m so familiar with (a series) and love like real people. The author killed one of the main characters. I grew up with these characters, from 16 until now.

This fictional loss has sent me into floods of tears.

I now know these are partly for the friend I have lost.

I now know that I won’t ever get over this. To me this friend has a similar meaning to me as the character in the book has to the people who love them. How do you get over that? How do you ever truly get over someone being gone?

Is it easier when someone dies? Is it harder? Or is it harder knowing that someone is there, right on the edge of your life, still there, always there. You just can’t ever get to them again.

I start a new job in the morning. I should be asleep. I stupidly read this book. I stupidly didn’t get my tears out earlier.

I can’t handle any more pain. Fictional, real…I can’t handle any of it.