Loss

I’ve never been able to handle loss.

Ever.

People leave me and most of the time I don’t even know why. Knowing doesn’t make it any better.

I’ve avoided my most recent personal loss. Avoided feeling. Avoided thinking. Avoided everything because the thought is just too hard.

I started reading a new book. A book with characters I’m so familiar with (a series) and love like real people. The author killed one of the main characters. I grew up with these characters, from 16 until now.

This fictional loss has sent me into floods of tears.

I now know these are partly for the friend I have lost.

I now know that I won’t ever get over this. To me this friend has a similar meaning to me as the character in the book has to the people who love them. How do you get over that? How do you ever truly get over someone being gone?

Is it easier when someone dies? Is it harder? Or is it harder knowing that someone is there, right on the edge of your life, still there, always there. You just can’t ever get to them again.

I start a new job in the morning. I should be asleep. I stupidly read this book. I stupidly didn’t get my tears out earlier.

I can’t handle any more pain. Fictional, real…I can’t handle any of it.

Advertisements

One thought on “Loss

  1. This made me really sad.

    Remember the 3 positive thoughts a day.
    Know that smiling releases endorphins, so even a fake smile will make you feel happier.
    Spend time with those who make you smile, if you can’t think of any then make it a mission to find someone.
    Remember you have friends, all be it far away, who are here and ready to listen if you need us.

    Chin up chickadee, you’ll be alright xxx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s