The Highs and Woes of 2012

Another year is coming to a close, the older we all get the faster time seems to go by. It’s like it’s on double speed and as much as we may prefer it to slow down considerably, it just builds up momentum until another period of time has vanished into the no longer future.

This year:

I suffered from depression.
I learnt to live with medication and then I was allowed to finish taking it.
I bought a bicycle.
I exercised; not just walking to and from buses, but rode miles and miles, swam just as far and even visited a proper gym.
I joined an archery club, bought a bow and then stopped going.
I got a tattoo.
I placed a bet in a betting shop.
I completed several things on my list of things to do before I die.
I started the year unemployed and I’ve ended it that way too.
I had two temporary jobs, though, which were so very different from each other (one with teenagers, the other in retail).
I realised that working with children and young adults was becoming harder and harder to do.
I reached five years service with the Scout Association…and I left my position as a leader.
I watched a little girl (my friend’s daughter) grow from just a few weeks old into a one year old.
I took up knitting.
I baked many, many, many cakes.
I took two holidays (aka vacations); to Cornwall, UK and Narbonne, France.
I met the Katys.
I somehow lost one of the Katys and am still not sure why.
I visited the set of Skins.
I made mistakes which still haunt me because I don’t handle doing the wrong thing well.
I had counselling.
I realised I was gay.
I found out my cousin was gay.
I came out to my parents.
I wrote many stories, and yet feel like I accomplished nothing.
I became so frustrated with writers block (probably caused by my depression medication).
I gave up temporary work because I didn’t want to take an opportunity someone else would appreciate more.
I celebrated Christmas in my own home for the first time in my 25 years.

It’s been a year full of experience. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried and I’ve felt very numb. I’ve visited places, fell in love with places which I didn’t expect to become so special so quickly. I’ve loved and lost (though not through death) many people and grieved for those I hoped would come back but didn’t. I’ve been so far up that I couldn’t see for all of the clouds and so far down that the dirt blocked my view.

I can’t even begin to explain some of the feelings I’ve felt this year, I don’t expect anybody to understand it all. All I know is that I have reasons to not want this year to end, but twice as many to hope that I get better luck in 2013.