Here we are again in the world of the thonning, such crazy ideas we continue to bring to the party and this one will not disappoint. After all, who chooses a random word out of a dictionary and then writes a blog about it? The craziness!!! Anywho, Katyo and myself are busy putting fingers to keyboards once again to create, well, stuff…I don’t know if there’s another word for it, because this blog has certainly turned out to be nothing short of weird. In addition to the randomised word we are also choosing whether to write a ‘thought’ a ‘story’ or a ‘definition’ about the word. I know you’re probably thinking ‘how can they define a word that’s already been defined?’ well, the success of that is yet to be seen.
Today’s words is Crudeness from my Collins dictionary, perhaps next time I will use my French dictionary…and Katy decided (with a hat full of papers – well, her friend Greg) that we would write a story and a story is what I…well, I’m not sure if I wrote a story, really. But here it is anyway and enjoy the random.
A long time ago in a land far, far away from here lived a man in a small cottage in the middle of a deep, dark forest. Though you may assume to have heard this tale before, you should immediately forget everything you think you know and everybody you think you’ve met. This man is not like any others you’ve come across in fairytales or other such fiction; he is not a man who is taller than the tallest tree, nor is he considerably shorter than the average human being. He doesn’t possess perfect looks, nor does he have much luck attracting women of any shape, size or quality. In fact, he’s rather unlucky in love for various reasons beyond his control.
You may be wondering who this man is and what name he holds as his own. I’ll have you know that names matter little in this world, a strange but considerably great man once told me that they are merely labels to help separate each individual from the masses. You can choose a name for our hero, if you will, but do not choose something generic like Bob, Steve, or James. Nor should you opt for the weird and not so wonderful creations such as Rumpelstiltskin, Pilot Inspektor or will.i.am.
Our hero is a man of the land; he lives a lonely but very fulfilling life wrangling a small flock of sheep, chasing down a handful of chickens and growing vegetables in the space behind his home. He reads the same handful of books, cooks only by taste and doesn’t own a mirror.
It is for this reason and this reason alone that he has come to look the way that he does. How else does one expect to look when they have no reflective surface in which to see what others see? His hair is a tangled mess of dark brown curls, he attempts to maintain them with the lengths of his fingers but as many of you will know, it’s something that may not quite be the greatest of ideas in the long run. The skin upon his face is always speckled with the dirt from his garden and his hands, though he attempts to keep them clean, are just as difficult to uphold. He doesn’t care much for a bar of soap; after all, he’s only going to get covered in dirt again. What? You’re surprised by this? Well, it’s hardly unexpected since you come from a world where beauty is defined by insignificant elements such as face paint and a daily shower.
For a man who lives off the land, water is as precious as gold may be to many people out there. After all, plumbing and water filtering hasn’t quite reached the furthest depths of the forest and probably won’t for some time.
There’s no internet either.
There, I said it. Before you die of shock, remember that this man lives a solitary life (bar his animals) and so, with the demands of his smallholding, he has little time to spend browsing the spider web or talking to strangers in blue books or turquoise birds even further away. The man can’t even withstand relationships in his own lands, let alone yours.
Even if he did, do you expect him to be a nice man? Would you be kind and generous if you’d lived in seclusion for the past twenty seven years? I doubt it. He’s foul mouthed and very crude, he would probably come across as racist, homophobic and sexist too. Not because he means to cause you offense, but because he merely has no idea what another human being looks like, sounds like or even acts like.
So, you’re probably sat there wondering where the story will truly begin and why I have chosen a man of such aversion to your world as the hero?
Well, this is all the story that there is to tell. After all, where’s the story in a man that lives alone, has no contact with the outside world and knows nothing about modern technology?
He probably doesn’t even brush his teeth, and I know how particular you people are about that.