BREAKING NEWS: Stolen snowman has the hiccups.

News just in, the earlier information you may have received was inaccurate. The stolen snowman didn’t have hiccups at all. He wasn’t even stolen. He was, in fact, the victim of a cruel hoax which involved a young child.

Charlie, from a little village somewhere in the middle of Wales, was laying out in the wintry weather one afternoon when a little girl decided to come out into her garden. There she proceeded to roll him around the grass until he had formed two large balls. In an act of malicious name calling, the young girl then named him a snowman.

Over the next couple of the days, poor Charlie was bombarded with balls made of his friend, Fred. Spectators told us that Fred had been ravished by several small children, including the young girl who harassed Charlie. They then went on to throw said balls around the garden without any care for Fred, or Charlie, who stood cowering in the centre of the lawn.

The sun came up the following morning leaving Charlie breathing a sigh of relief as the young girl and her cohort wandered off with plastic trays. It is believed that they went on to terrorise a neighbourhood where Dorita, Paulette and Sandrine were sunbathing.

The following day, the young girl known only as Child, phoned the emergency services to report Charlie as missing, believed stolen. In actual fact, we believe that he went into hiding after his ordeal.

When we tried to track down Charlie to question him about this incident, he was unavailable for comment. Our sources tell us that he quickly abandoned his residence and has returned to his native home of the clouds, where he is expected to stay until December 13th.

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