The Highs and Woes of 2012

Another year is coming to a close, the older we all get the faster time seems to go by. It’s like it’s on double speed and as much as we may prefer it to slow down considerably, it just builds up momentum until another period of time has vanished into the no longer future.

This year:

I suffered from depression.
I learnt to live with medication and then I was allowed to finish taking it.
I bought a bicycle.
I exercised; not just walking to and from buses, but rode miles and miles, swam just as far and even visited a proper gym.
I joined an archery club, bought a bow and then stopped going.
I got a tattoo.
I placed a bet in a betting shop.
I completed several things on my list of things to do before I die.
I started the year unemployed and I’ve ended it that way too.
I had two temporary jobs, though, which were so very different from each other (one with teenagers, the other in retail).
I realised that working with children and young adults was becoming harder and harder to do.
I reached five years service with the Scout Association…and I left my position as a leader.
I watched a little girl (my friend’s daughter) grow from just a few weeks old into a one year old.
I took up knitting.
I baked many, many, many cakes.
I took two holidays (aka vacations); to Cornwall, UK and Narbonne, France.
I met the Katys.
I somehow lost one of the Katys and am still not sure why.
I visited the set of Skins.
I made mistakes which still haunt me because I don’t handle doing the wrong thing well.
I had counselling.
I realised I was gay.
I found out my cousin was gay.
I came out to my parents.
I wrote many stories, and yet feel like I accomplished nothing.
I became so frustrated with writers block (probably caused by my depression medication).
I gave up temporary work because I didn’t want to take an opportunity someone else would appreciate more.
I celebrated Christmas in my own home for the first time in my 25 years.

It’s been a year full of experience. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried and I’ve felt very numb. I’ve visited places, fell in love with places which I didn’t expect to become so special so quickly. I’ve loved and lost (though not through death) many people and grieved for those I hoped would come back but didn’t. I’ve been so far up that I couldn’t see for all of the clouds and so far down that the dirt blocked my view.

I can’t even begin to explain some of the feelings I’ve felt this year, I don’t expect anybody to understand it all. All I know is that I have reasons to not want this year to end, but twice as many to hope that I get better luck in 2013.


The future is out there but the past is to be celebrated!

Having read the most recent blog of Lilmisskaty I decided that as well as leave her a comment (as soon as I finish this) I would write my own blog piece to befriend her own.

Not least because the subject of her blog is rather interesting but also because I touched upon such a subject just this week when talking to my dad.

I was sat in the front room (aka lounge, sitting room, family room, etc.) watching Mrs Biggs (which is a great programme, starring the beautiful and talented Sheridan Smith as Mrs Biggs). It’s the story of Ronnie Biggs who stole a lot of money and as good as got away with it. This all happened in the sixties, not long after my parents were born as a matter of fact.

Ronnie and his wife were driving along a road in the middle of Australia and I commented on their lack of wearing seatbelts, apparently that’s because they hadn’t been invented yet. (Though my curiosity was more about a deserted road and went on for miles and whether seatbelts are really needed in places like that.)

Anyway, I digress, my point being that a lot has happened in the last century as Katy said in her own blog post. Something which a lot of people forget about, I think. More than that, this world has existed for millions and millions of years, we’ve had many wars, countries have been invaded and defended, stolen and recaptured. Dinosaurs walked the Earth and died out, other species of animals have come and gone in our lifetime and some before our lifetime.

Humans haven’t been around for all that long in the grand scheme of the world, but in the thousands of years that we have existed on this planet…why has the most progression happened in the last century?

People have traced their families back generations to remote farms in the middle of the country, to work houses and poverty, to manor houses and wealth.

It’s no secret that there used to be a hierarchy to society, the rich we’re at the top and the poor we’re there to serve them. Like in the world of Downton Abbey (mentioned in Katy’s blog) and Titanic and other such fictional and non-fictional accounts of our history, the rich we’re once the only people who really got an education and the poor we’re left to fend for themselves.

Jump forward hundreds or thousands of years and the world is a very different place, no longer is Australia “on the other side of the world”, because the other side of the world is just ONE DAY away in a plane. It takes nearly TWO days to travel by car from the top of Australia to the bottom (Darwin to Adelaide) and yet we can hop on a plane to Australia and back in a similar around of time. Alternatively, you could probably fly all the way around the world and back to the start in the same time.

My point being that not only have people come and gone who have seen things far greater than we, who have lived through so much change, these people have also witnessed the world shrinking. Not physically, but by increased speed, and as Katy said, access to technology such as computers.

The fact that I can write this in my iPad in a coffee shop in Bolton town centre and someone “all that way” across the world in Australia, America, etc. can read what I’ve said is nothing short of a miracle.

We don’t consider it as such, but if you we’re to bring someone back from the 1800s and handed them a mobile phone or a computer, they would not only have no idea what to do with it, but they’d also find it rather absurd. Perhaps they would believe it was the work of the devil, or a miracle brought by a God that they believe in.

And how many of us take it for granted?

The world is full of such unusual things, and time has certainly been kind to technology (though not our purses!) and sometimes I think we need to remember how lucky we are.

We argue about whether the MMR vaccine is safe and yet once upon a time people died frequently of the diseases we can now protect against. We are constantly told to eat healthier and to avoid fatty foods where when our grandparents were young they probably had the bare minimum but it was enough to keep them relatively healthy. But in a world where we are considered rich, even if we don’t get enough to eat, we should be thankful for the things that keep us alive, for the progressions made in our ability to communicate and the fact that we can move halfway across the world and yet still see our family and friends face to face.

If you think you are beaten, you are

I was told this poem yesterday and thought I would share it with you all.

if you think you are beaten, you are

if you think you dare not, you don’t

if you’d like to win but you think you can’t

it’s almost certain you won’t

if you think you’ll lose, you’ve lost

for out of the world we find

success begins with a fellows will

it’s all a state of mind

if you think you’re outclassed you are

you’ve got to think high to rise

you’ve got to be sure of yourself before

you can ever win the prize

life’s battles don’t always go

to the stronger or faster man

sooner or later the man who wins

is the one who thinks he can

77th Celebration

Today’s blog post was my 77th (not this one, this one is the 78th!) and because I feel the need to celebrate all things 7, whether that’s multiples of 7 (14, 21, 28, 35, 42, 49, etc.) or repeats of the number 7 (my 77, 777th Twitter tweet for example) I thought I would show you the wondorousness that is my 77th blog post confirmation. Get ready to yawn ladies and gentleman…


I need a roof to sit on.

My first ever tape (yes, I’m talking pre-CDs) was by Robson and Jerome, two actors who were given a recording contract after singing together on the TV show Soldier, Soldier. I was a massive fan and I was very happy to have their song in my possession. Of course I didn’t know then that the song was actually a cover of a The Drifters song. Regardless, whichever version I listen to (my annoyances at covers dates after this songs release and it was the only version I knew for about ten years so I do still enjoy the Robson and Jerome cover) I still have the same lovely feelings as I had on day one. This is a song of hope, a song of getting away from the world and finding meaning in being alone. There’s only one catch, you have to go…

Up On The Roof

Yes, that was a bad joke type thing, haha.

To analyse the first two lines, they just give me so much hope that you can feel better again even after a bad day.

When this old world starts getting me down and people are just too much for me to face. I climb way up to the top of the stairs and all my cares just drift right into space.

Now I just need to find a roof to go sit on top of…any ideas?